Squall

Hey there Gwen. Well you've summoned me to critique your revised edition. Here I am, ready to strike. Her scarlet hair dangled over her smooth slopping shoulder, her spine rippled ...

Hey Reakeda, First of all, I would like to say that Azlia has pretty much covered as to what I've thought of this piece. What I would like to add ...

Hey there, and welcome to YWS. Detectspie Nathan Fondue yawned. It wasn't a particularly exciting yawn, just another garden-variety sleepy yawn. 1. What is a detectspie (is dumb). 2. What ...

I would like to elaborate further into the flaws of intertwining your diary entries with the actual writing itself. I didn't mention it in the 1st post in this thread, ...

Hey Lucy. (this is critique no 3 out of 75 ). Slowly he slid the smoothness of the back of his hand along his mouth, removing the fluid, before taking ...

Hey Valor, I'm back. I've actually found time to critique part 2. Might as well get started, since I quite like critiquing your work, as it is quite challenging to ...

Hey Valor, I did promise to do this. (This is number 1 of the 75 critique challenge in a week). Apparently, the man who said ‘you are what you choose ...

Hello Camille. I bet Gwen did told you that I'm going to review this. She was right :D Prepare yourself thy mortal, this is a critique served extra hot from ...

The moment that you have been waiting for Vernon "does sarcastic gasp". Alexzander heard nothing as he bowed several times and smiled, arrogantly rolling his eyes, down at the peasants ...

DarkTestimonyofTruth, I treat a prologue more like a sneak in chapter 1. Therefore, it should have undergone development, not just be a shell of a cliche. Why even use a ...

Hey there, and welcome to YWS. Through the window, charred ruins of decades past could be seen. Can you show to us as to how the ruins were decades past? ...

Used to be Squallz, now Fayth (as in The Fayth from Final Fantasy X), though I might be changing it again soon.

Round 3, get ready. A soft thudding caressed my head, small warm pricks moved up and down on my arms. Thudding and caressed? How does that work? Thudding is more ...

Round 2, Around his waste a long dagger hung from a belt along with a small pouch. Waist. There should be a comma after "waist". "Calm down, here drink this." ...

Hey Gwen, This is ok. The main problems with the piece is 1. this concept has been done before 2. the descriptions you've used don't really work together that well ...