Squall

Hello Cheyanne. I apologize if this critique is overdue, I've been busy lately lol. Every bug, every worm, every mouse was detected as soon as they came near. Find a ...

As I crawled through the ever-decreasing chasm I remembered this numb feeling had happened before, but somehow I knew that it had never been quite like this. Decreasing? Hrmm sounds ...

Hey there Alice. Maybe she’s coming back? She cringed at the very thought. Her dad was too much in love with her mom. He couldn’t see how horrid that woman ...

Hello Tamora. I crawled. Nothing was right anymore, everything had changed in that one moment, and all my body would do now was crawl. The darkness was almost complete, light ...

Hey there Valor. Firstly, I think this piece rambles too much on how things work in the "afterlife". Such examples would be "the glue like food, day cards, etc etc". ...

I am back. Shiloh was forever smiling even when Amarie knew she was exhausted. Amarie really admired that quality but would never want to possess it. Her smiles always felt ...

Hehe, you ask, I deliver. The ice crashed around us like the sky was falling. I stood and waited while she tried to get her key into the lock. Nina’s ...

Karman Mayfield It was night. The food court was brightly lit and smelled of mould, creeping through from the cracks in the walls. Karman sat by the corner, her chin ...

Hey there. As of late the thoughts that seemed to be taking about the most space in her brain were those of her parents. I suggest that you should use ...

Hey there winner. Sorry that this critique is kinda late, I've been busy with other things. He nods energetically, pulling their clasped hands to his chest. The adverb "energetically" is ...

Colin took a deep breath. He was next to present and the butterflies in his stomach were growing restless. I dislike using "butterflies in his stomach". It's a near cliche ...

Yes you can start now. Mind you, I won't be posting my part of the story till like 1-2 days later due to internal assessments and revision and homework.

Chapter 16. Taking full advantage of the time off by humming various notes at the box. This sentence reads kinda incomplete. There should be another phase to it. Who? Who ...

Lily: Yip, that's better. Layleun: Hrmm interesting stealth/ support character. I really like the mapping of the city and the robbery raid ideas, it adds quite a nice layer with ...

God: Take your time man. Lily: Can you add more details regarding the character's personality and what she thinks and feels? After that, try to add a bit more details ...