Squall

Hey June. We could have helped him, but we didn’t. This bit here indicated to me that they do seem to have some remorse/empathy for Pavo. Why even bring up ...

Hey Lucy. My nose is pressed to the sheets and I can smell the faint trace of my father’s deodorant which suggests he has recently made my bed. With a ...

Congratz Jiggister (throws confetti).

Hello Adi. Teacher tells us this every single day. And I’ve always listened to the warnings. I’ve absorbed it. You sure that he tells the class this everyday? I think ...

Hello VampireBloodrace. Just a few pointers. 1)Show don't tell Consider the following: The three of us began our walk to the park where we ‘lived’. We have been homeless for ...

Hello Sumi H. Inkblot. I didn't like this at all. I find it kind of pointless as well as lacking the crucial details needed for the audience to relate to ...

Hello again XxBrokenVainxX. I admit that I had assumed that your preference as a prologue. This is because of all the time that I've been a member on this site ...

He blushed, but went on. "They'll swallow crystal the way a bird does pebbles, to break up their food." Blushing for being recognized as a dentist too? Seems unrealistic to ...

Hello Lotti. This is way too short for it to receive an in-depth critique. However, I'll provide some comments here. Firstly, what on earth is natural hues? Be more specific. ...

Hello XxBrokenVainxX, and welcome to YWS. As much as I would like to think that this was going to change that, I knew deep down it wouldn’t. Why would the ...

Hello Dreamer. We had picked a back table in a nook, further away from the talking and people, and where the candle was almost brighter than the chandelier. Hrmm. What ...

Hello Sock. Tear drops of the lips, littering words of shock and indignity as they lingered inside my ears. I greatly dislike giving abstract adjectives to objects. How on earth ...

Hey there dragnet. He was coming. He was coming. She had to get away, and as fast as possible. I can see that your repetition of "He was coming. He ...

Hey there Jasmine. “What are you?” I asked, my voice feeling changed in the damp atmosphere. How on earth can your voice change in damp atmosphere? This sentence makes no ...

Hey there. I'm not going to talk about trivial comments here. Instead, I'll view this piece on the whole. 1)Where is this taking place? Where is this scenario taking place? ...