Soulkana

Ok I say this is really good as it is now. I just have one thing to say: longer. Add more description there's a lot more to add to this ...

Haha Thanks I have problems with commas and I think I might get rid of them when I have edited this ^^

Chapter 8: The Reasons Two days. Two days have passed since Rin became a ward to the Orphanage. Two days since our letters arrived. Two days they have been sitting ...

This was beautifully well done. ^^ The descriptions are really good and the idea is most definitely interesting. The fact the sun has burned out in this story makes it ...

You should separate the dialogues so its not confusing. it also helps so we know who is talking at the time. Other than that I cannot find anything wrong with ...

Thanks for the review formslipper. You're right grammar is something I sorely lack matter how hard I work on it, never comes out easier. I have always had the making ...

Thanks for the explanation, I hope this helps me a commas are either not used where they should or they are used when they aren't needed....oh the frustration. Thanks for ...

This is good!!! I really loved it...you and your descriptions XD. Either way I see, now, why you find them so important haha. Good luck and I hope you get ...

Thanks for the review you guys!!! And Freewritersavvy I will be revising and tweaking this to be more grabbing once I have completed revising the rest of the chapters XD. ...

Chapter Seven: The Fall and the Start: Rin’s POV My fingers trembled as I turned the brass knob. I bit my lip, anxiety making my legs shake. Gathering as much ...

OK you said not to be afraid to be mean so here it goes XD: I think you need to work on the repetition; stead of using The way at ...

This makes me sad. There must be a story behind this as is with many poems. The details are very well done and creates a very good picture. The emotion ...

Rewritten VS part1 Anulekha fingered the violet pawn. Eyes darted throughout the game board searching for all possible movements. Calculating which move would work out best. A scowl played on ...

This is very good. The descriptions are very good and the emotion is very vivid. This paints a deep picture in my head. I hope to read more of your ...

This is good. Nice descriptions, although it seems to repeat some places. Other than that it is marvelous. I can't wait for more keep up the good work and I ...