Snoink

It doesn't flow properly. You're trying to use parallelism to achieve a fluid effect, which is good, but your words aren't going along. This is because of word choice. So... ...

Hahaha... um... doesn't work. It sounds like a girl wrote it. :P And don't ask me why it sounds like that... wait... I'll ask Grif. Yep. He says it sounds ...

The reason why this poem doesn't work out is because it's a bit of a grocery list. It seems like you're listing the reasons without being the least poetic. You ...

This poem is kind of... not up to your usual high standards. :P I like this line: "After bleeding from the sides where you used to touch me," Mostly because ...

A couple of issues straight off: use the spell checker. It may not be right all the time, but at least you would know how to spell "apartment." Next of ...

Hello! Okay, first of all, the second stanza is definitely the best. Unfortunately, it doesn't really fit with the other two stanzas. Eep! So let's look at the first and ...

I know I like to write poetry and plays in Spanish... although you don't want to see them. Really.

Fand>> aww! Daniel is kind of confusing, no? ;) But the colors, I'm afraid, is the freak being giddy. Silly freak! Myth>> Yay! We love picturing characters... especially him! :D ...

...I know that I get it confused since the past tense of "lie" as in rest or something, is lay. So yeah. Confusing.

So! The specs, since some people have asked... In manuscript form, it's about 640 pages. In word count, it's 120,360. Fun? Fun! So... what have I done with it? Not ...

Hahaha, maybe I'm good enough, but the question is, am I too lazy to? ;) We'll find out soon! Trimmed up some of the fat... hopefully it's looking somewhat cleaner. ...

I won't waste my time stating the obvious... that's you're an excellent writer with compelling fiction and the like. Instead, let's get picky. Some of them had been left. In ...

Things to think about: 1) You're not a bad writer. 2) It doesn't make sense to me that Lev is a painter. Maybe that he poses as a painter, but ...

gyr>> glad you liked it! :D Phorcys>> aw... first person can be quite horrible at times if you don't connect with the main character. ;) Jiggity>> I would, I guess, ...

Cookie of LOVE! I knew it... you were contributing to the obesity epidemic! :o ...evil Canadians. Yes. Run on sentences, in dialogue can be your friends. I remember, in FREAK ...