Snoink

This poem used line breaks too much. And let's face it: Line breaks can be used for good or for evil. This critique, for example is using it for evil ...

This is a good example on how adjectives don't really describe anything. Clean, powerful, and pure? What is she? Clorox bleach? And then there are the ambiguous nouns. Needy? Weak? ...

1) Grammar is your friend. Make all your grammar make sense, and you'll be much better off. Okay, now that I said that, let's go on to the story, shall ...

The narrative is amusing, but it doesn't seem to go along with the dialogue and everytime the dialogue starts up (except for the end) the narrative seems to interrupt the ...

Right now it just looks like a grocery lists of "things you can do to make Christmas good for others." Which is probably not a good thing. Throw out some ...

Then you might consider revising it. At the moment, your point of view is with the person that is about to sleep, so if you go outside of that point ...

Another thing to consider! Right now, your poem sounds like you're in stop and go traffic. Which probably isn't good. Don't break up your poem with what you're feeling. Instead, ...

Nice poem! I like how you start off at an emergency room and slowly give out details as the poem progresses. One thing that you could probably tweak are these ...

This, believe it or not, has too much imagery. Did that make sense? Basically, right now you have a bunch of fluffy images just bouncing around. Rather demented fluffy images, ...

At the moment, there's a bunch of pretty moments, but they don't really seem to be connected. Introduce the fire a little more, and everything will become more smooth, I'm ...

I have to agree with Colly here. The first stanza has too many "violent" words that intend to shock, but don't. It's only until the turkey comes about that you ...

I haven't critiqued fiction in a while, mostly because I haven't seen anything that interested me or was grammatically correct, and I am pleased that yours passed both tests! Mind ...

Don't forget that writing is an essential element to almost any career! I'm going into Law, and knowing how to write creatively is a must. Dude, totally. I love writing ...

Read this before posting in the advanced forums. Remember, you have to upload it to the site. ;)

lab reports count? I plan to be a chemical engineer with an emphasis on bio-y stuff. XD Though I will publish my novels! :D