Snoink

Don't worry so much about rhyming! Just get your poem out... it really doesn't have to rhyme to be poetry. :D

Hello again! I think this poem would be much better than it is currently if you added some examples in it. :) For example, if I had an essay about ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! I haven't really seen you yet... which is kind of sad really, but whatever! I think this poem would be much more powerful if you ...

My favorite of this poem was the first three lines: I am only a heresy, Wishing to end this pointless, endless dance And run off with the sky. Because it ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D I'm interested in this Anna character... perhaps, in this poem, you can add a little more back-story on her? Sort of like in "Lullaby" ...

Oooooh... I love the idea. Anything with colors makes me happy! I just love using symbolism and stuff for colors. My favorite part has to be this line, "They paint ...

Hmm... well, the beginning doesn't really catch because "makes," "hate," "contemplate," and "aches" are so similar that at first I thought that you were using an aaaa format instead of ...

Love, you know you want to use the YWS spell checker. There are just too many misspellings in here! ;) I digress. The poem seems to be avoiding the Main ...

Wait... what is a space heater? But that's not the point! I think that the cat and the laptop are not that important to the poem... I like the mother ...

Hehe, I love your poetry.

I actually liked this. I know, amazing, right? Just a couple of things! First of all, the second stanza is too rhyming. Or at least it sounds weird to me. ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! Your poem was interesting! For a second, I thought it would be something typical, like somebody living with an alcoholic, so I was pleasantly surprised ...

Eep... I think the prologue should probably be scraped and you should keep the first chapter instead, as the beginning point. This prologue is slightly confusing at the moment, and ...

There is not a single thing in this poem that grounds it in reality. And that's why it fails. Sorry, you know I love you--you've been on YWS enough so ...

Out of all the massacre metaphors, this is the one I disliked the most: among the string beans screaming beneath paprika. I think it's because "string beans" and "screaming" sound ...