Snoink

I think you use too many adjectives. :P Observe! A mass of dejections Printed on the window in the stain Of hands, smearing the light. A shame, pouring from the ...

How uncomfortable it is after the launch when we glance down at the houses and stores and stadiums and realize that we are simply microcosms under a cloudy-foam ocean. It ...

Oooo... thanks for all the comments guys. ^_^ What "it" was about was the struggle for oxygen. Perhaps that wasn't clear? And the line, "round up the usual suspects" refers ...

It's funny because when we met, we thought we were different You with your black trench coat and slicked-back hair And me with my dumpy brown hand-me-down sweater holy in ...

1. Sometimes if it's good and I have nothing to say, I won't. :P 2. I love looking at posts that have no comments. I am, however, put off by ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! I’ve just written some notes on your poem, so maybe that will help? How can I breathe With such strong emotions

Subplots that delve deeper into secondary characters are yummy sources of words. :)

Hahaha, slightly repetitious, but it's cute! And I like the metering. But just in case, I just want to note that you don't have to rhyme everything. That's a misconception ...

Your Mom should be proud of this. Who knows? Maybe it'll even make her cry! :P

Interesting... *smiles and backs away*

I look at my reflection in the mirror and it weeps though I do not. These lines are flipping amazing! You should use them to your full advantage. :D I ...

*LOCKED*

I think you're focusing too much on the rhyme and not enough on the story. Give us full details on the juicier parts of what is happening as this poem ...

Don't come here now for sunshine and warmth. Don't come here now for good cheer round the hearth.

A question before I respond to this poem: is this written for a story? :) It seems to be like one of those prophecy things, that's why I had to ...