Snoink

This poem doesn't have any... love behind it. I mean, you say the word and it's obvious that there's some sort of physical attraction between the narrator and the girl, ...

anger, hate, shame, lies.

Just a question... is there any rating you won't approach, like R or something?

Constantly Risking Absurdity ..... Constantly risking absurdity ............................................ and death ............... whenever he performs ............................................

Hooray! :D

ZOMG. This is kind of disturbing. XD

Hahaha... we love Safari. If this a square of text that has a hole in it so that it looks like a camera, I can't see it. I'll blame Safari, ...

Awww... this is cute! We love obnoxious marching bands! Anyway, you're right. Something isn't quite right. First of all, try breaking it up! That way, it's easier to read and ...

Awww, this is cute! It reads a little bit too much like a story now, since you lay out the evidence all nicely. I suggest taking away some of the ...

First off, I think you emphasize the fact that it wasn't a dream a bit too much. ;) With that said, I think it would be super cool if you ...

The ending doesn't seem to pack any punch. Look at it. What do you want to emphasize in the poem? The duel nature of the child? How mysterious and ambiguous ...

Edited! The original version is in the spoiler, if you want to look at it... [spoiler] Give me that cigarette so that my lungs can turn as black as yours ...

Ender's Game , anyone? *le sigh* I still have to read that book. :)

Interesting piece! :D I love anything that compares humans with statues. It's cool to me. ^^ Anyway! On with the comments. :) HE LOVES HER

I just want to point out that this poem is slightly more than three years old and that the member is no longer active on YWS. ;)