Snoink

Closer! :D At any rate, it's a bajillion times better than the other draft. First of all, this paragraph makes no sense: "Bellezza hummed. No one fell in love in ...

I can possibly help. I have a bunch of old CSS templates that can be dug up and reused. What webhosting service do you have or can you possibly have?

So, does this mean that you're permamently up for hire as a crit-machine? Hahaha... actually, if you ask me to do a critique, I'll probably get it done in about ...

Quick typo alert! all bright and shiny, and a with really nice behind ^ should be: all bright and shiny, and with a really nice behind This is a weird ...

Originality. What about Big Brother and Big Sister's Mother? 'Big Mother is watching you'? If we're going through the family and all. Yo mama!

What type of powers does Big Sister have? I've read them...but can anyone explain it in lamens terms? They're the Moderaters - they can edit, move and lock any post ...

I love you and everything but... uh... I didn't get this. I got confused with the abundant similes and I wasn't sure whether there was a war or not and ...

Forget stars. Snoink deserves an honorary spotted pigeon or something. Because that would be really cool. Especially if it cooed when you clicked on it. XD Agreed. Except it should ...

So I guess this means that not only should I have added purple stars a long time ago, but that I should also add black stars? Congrats Snoink! Yes, yes, ...

*sighs* Locked.

I passed the 2000 post mark! :o

This is a bit too tell-y. That is, you tell us about your mask and everything, but you really don't make us sense anything. Instead of just telling us about ...

Oh my gosh... something with good grammar? And a hook? And an actual character? Amazing! :D So! You have an interesting premise. Now... I think it might be better if ...

Meh. We've already had Big Sister a year or so ago. Old! We should change it to "Big Macaroni Noodle Survey Co."

The smaur writes! :o Okay! So this isn't going to be a proper critique because a proper critique requires actual in depth analysis thingies, but who cares? :P (Plus it ...