Snoink

I did read your PM! I just didn't know how to respond. XD Anyway, I forgot to mention one thing (sorry)! It's a rhythm thing... Break me the sunset in ...

Hey Way2Dawn! :D One thing I think you can improve on is making this poem more subtle! I'm used to reading poetry, so I really like digging through the poem ...

Hey SilentRain! :D First of all, the answer is no, it's not better that way. Then you can't write poems, no? :D I like the first stanza! It has sharp ...

Hey Emily! :D I think the reason why Jasmine said this poem was a bit abstract was because its metaphors didn't really make sense! That is, your metaphors are very ...

Hey Rose! :D One of things that I wondered while I read the poem was what made his actions forever unforgivable? That is, you talked about how he could never ...

Hey inkwell! This sounds awful, but it seemed like several random thoughts were strung together, given a similar theme, and put into a poem. That is, at first you say ...

Hey trinaa! :) Glad to see you posted this on the forums! :) Anyway, on to the critique! First of all, you have a number of typos in this! For ...

Hey personalinsanity! :D One thing I would really like to see is more description of the gaping hole. You have all this description of being trapped, but I would love ...

LOL! What a crazy contest, no? :) Anyway, I really like the beginning, with the peeled orange, but then it starts to waver and rely on the random, and I ...

Hey Light Devil! Okay, this might just be me, but the beginning is waaaay too gimmicky for me to really get hooked. For the first couple of paragraphs, you implore ...

Hey Ace! I really liked this poem. It's very luscious in its description and action and it doesn't mind being fantastic -- in the fantasy sense. I also really like ...

Hey Rosey! I liked this... Shakespeare uses such beautiful language and you did a good job assembling his lines and putting it together as your own! My main problem with ...

Hey Palladin! :) One thing that I noticed was that your rhymes seemed to trip you up. That is, you seemed so intent on rhyming that you would arrange your ...

Hey mizz! :D Spanish is a beautiful language, isn't it? Anyway, with your story, it seems a little bit odd sometimes! For instance it seems strange that she would be ...

Oooh! I like the character interaction here! Very nicely done. :) Now, as far as your poem, I really, really like how the action tells the story. It reminds me ...