Snoink

HOLY CRAP. NOOOO. NOT PURPLE LIPS! GAH! *MASSIVEFLAIL* What a horrible cliffhanger! I hope you post the next thing soon. This is awful! What if our lovely heroine gets hurt? ...

That hat is epic. Especially the sticker on the back.

Hey jemjive! First of all, you may want to change the beginning a little! The description of how she looked seemed too long and unnecessary. Yes, she's attractive. For Jake, ...

This is lovely. I can understand what the voice is calling; "Thief! Thief!". Period isn't needed. I breathe the musty odour of knowledge The phrase "of knowledge" seems a bit ...

Aha! You had it happen to you too! :D When I was fourteen, I used to craft the most amazing stories ever... stories that I loved and really thought were ...

When you change it so that the text is on a plain background, you just change the HTML color right? Because I've been trying and I always come up with ...

Hey seana! This kind of looks like you wrote it really late at night! There are lots of typos, repeated words, misplaced apostrophes, strange punctuation... you name it and it's ...

Hey Mary! You need to focus on the conflict more. The scenery and her hair, etc., is all fine and good, but it clutters up the beginning with what's really ...

Hey ariberry! :D First of all, I found a typo! I knock on your door, cousious.

Oooooh boy! It would figure she would stab him in the heart -- literally! XD Anyway, first of all, I deleted your previous review since it was spam and... yeah. ...

Hey Eli! Now that you ended with her going, "Woe is me, my life is over, DAGGERPLUNGEHEARTSQUIRT" it sounds even hokier! Remember that storytelling is all about the tease. When ...

Dramatic, impacting stuff is always the best. So yay! You seem to have an excellent taste in things -- I'm sure you'll be just find. :)

Hey Eli! The backstory seems a little bit contrived and not well-thought out. Like, is there any reason for the pirates and stuff? If you changed around some the details, ...

Pigs! But I have no math teacher, so I would probably go with that. Would you rather go to a prestigious university and have to take out $160,000 in loans ...

PMing is the best way! Admins are in red.