Snoink

Oh dear... I think your book is completely wrong. :? Dusky's right though.

I looked closer, the hero had disappeared. Comma splice error; should be a semicolon. "Sure sweety... It probably should be "sweetie." I dunno... it just looks better. "Grandpa, can we ...

The greatest thing I've ever seen.

But we all love character sketches, no? :) I read this a while ago, but I didn't have the consideration to post my comments on it. :shock: Anyway, I thought ...

These are my ideas about how you can paragraph it. Of course, I may be wrong, but this is what I did. Perhaps it's a little easier to read? No ...

Ah, come on! You know you're a cutie. ;)

The exclamation mark ruins the quiet shushing of the poem, but otherwise, nice! I too like the word "asunder." We should use that word more. Asunder, asunder... *wanders off*

Well, what do you expect from a game first made in the mid-nineties? Someone has to say it: Grif, you're a dork.

LOL! Well, unlike you two, I call them DOT-DOT-DOTs. It's really funny. My best friend overuses them in her stories, so I do critiquing and reading over the phone, and ...

I think you're confused about dashes, semicolons, and those periods (...). Periods indicate a trailing off. "I don't think that's a good idea..." "Hush!" Semicolons indicates a dramatic pause, which ...

Wow... is that what people really think of during eleventh grade math? LUCKY! In my calculus class, people are supportive enough, but yeesh... the teacher. Your character is really lucky ...

*grumbles* I'm next... ;)

Oh gosh... what an improvement! It reminds me of my old stories. Most of them are crap with a couple of good parts. :P

One boob is a little bigger than the other...

The awkward thing about the third was the word "couldn't." And the fourth was a little long and didn't look too friendly on the eyes. Even so, it was a ...