Snoink

Chapter 2 It was painful to walk. Every step was an obstacle. His lungs felt like they had been clamped shut, and he gripped at his sides, gasping. He could ...

She was nervous. The room had an adjoining bathroom, so as soon as the man walked out, she crept in there and began to turn the knobs. She had expected, ...

The first one seems to beg to be put into present tense. Why? Because it's so pretty. I don't know why, but I think poetic stories should be in present ...

Er... any special reason why this is broken up into two posts? The first two stanzas are absolutely wonderful. The rest doesn't seem so inspired. Hmm... what a lame critique. ...

I think I understand now. I remember EVERYTHING I read. I get it the first time completely. It might be because I don't ever skim-i find skimming is pointless even ...

When I read the beginning, I thought, "Oh my God, it's a crazy psychopathic stalker lady who can't seem to let go." One of my aunts was like this, so ...

I am also a rereader. As you grow up, the same things will change for you. For example, I was reading Animal Farm again. I read it when I was ...

Watch the movie "Sunset Boulevard." They deal with the kind of scene you're talking about in a tasteful, intriguing manner. Also, be sure to take a peek at "Citizen Kane" ...

Okay... pretend you're in drama and everything, and you find a character who has one line. Yes, only one line. Is this character important? Yes. That one line will help ...

XD Awesome mushroom! I like the cheshire cat smile in the background! :D

He struck my heart, he struck my heart badly.His I don't think this line break works particularly well... glimmering eyes and sunshiney smile, the warmth you feel when he's around. ...

I like the language... I think it's Latin or Italian. Actually, it's probably Italian. But still! I like how it combines. For me, it reminds me of a cathedral, which ...

I like the first stanza a lot. Why? Because you used assonance to your advantage. What is assonance? Basically, using similar vowel sounds. In particular, you used words like "shimmer" ...

This stanza is kind of strange: I wish she would unlock herself so that I could peer into that unfortunate darkness that won’t seem to be cast away; not by ...

The rhyming is a little strange, but that may be me liking the standard ABAB format of poetry. :P One metaphor I didn't like, mostly because it bordered on ridiculousness ...