Shine

Well done niteowl.

Yeah i agree with Eli about the something,it makes it sound vague. I liked the ending. Keep up ur good job. -Ani

OK,now kiddo I want to see some serious good stuffs by you. Or is this a idea or a plan to get everyones attention?

Hey Welcome to Yws carelessaussie13. Your poem was really good, Keep up the good job. Keep writing and postiong in here. -Ani

huh,totally needs pathetic.com. Anyway welcome to YWS.

ok.

I liked the third para. Keep writing.

Ok first of all why LOTUS? starting was really good,but the middle para sounded a bit vague. This poem needs to be revised a bit. Keep writing. I shall be ...

Hey congrates ur age decreased a bit.

Yeah compared to other lines the first line was too long This was a bit vague to me. Good try. Keep writing.

lol seems u are really bored, rhyming was cool,hehehehe...

Yeah rewriting would be good. Best of luck! -Ani

Hey BirthdayPirate, Wow renga is cool,and ur poem is cool too. Keep writing. -Ani

Hey ilubdraco! That was really nice and ofcourse the revised one is even nicer. Keep writing and posting it in here. -Ani

I think this is a great start. So much full of emotions, feelings and everything. This is really going to work. It can make a great story book or something. ...