Shasta

And I proof read this too! I must have been really out of it yesterday evening. I never write my poetry with the puctuation already in place, in fact yesterday ...

I like the idea, but you really need to fix the rhyme with ash and rehashed in the first stanza. Also, rhyming forth with henceforth is basically the same as ...

A whisper, a wonderance, wistfully asking why, A sorceress, a dungeon, a dragon in the sky, A blue bird, a butterfly, a ray of sunlight, A lingering story, from morning ...

The rhyming pattern length was trivial and, I thought, interrupting in some places, but I am so critical on the topic of rhyming! I think it might help define the ...

I liked the basis and idea for this poem, but, could I critique the rhyming a little? (What's new?) Okay, to start with the first two lines don't really rhyme ...

I liked the flow and thought the piece was altogether very eloquent. I think the style was also very nice, with the one word ending and beginning and gradual change ...

Just wondered if anyone had any comments.

Arson A spark of sickly glowing light, Catches my eye amid the night. My breathing stops, and then I see, A flicker of flames, shining bright, A glowing fire approaching ...

I thought it was excellent. And, xanthan gum, that's not a double negative, however much it may look like one!

If you want it to rhyme, at least fix the plural issue with weep and seeps. I simply think that you don't have a good rhythm down and are just ...

I like the idea that inspired this poem, but I think the rhyming needs some help. It was obvious you were making an effort to rhyme at the beginning, but ...

Thank you! I wrote it months ago...

Thanks for the help!

I really liked the ideas and points in this poem, as well as how you applied them. I think that some of it was a little repetative, however. There were ...

Do you think something more like this for my second stanza would be better? And so my heart rebuilds, rewords, What I've thought many times before. From cities to the ...