Shasta

Thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate them (whatever it is you think of what I'm writing!) but I also think that rhyming is becoming about as ...

We're hiding in our melon colored hearts, Already lost to someone else's dreams, We have trouble keeping track of all the parts, We can not hold together all the seams. ...

I liked the poem, but I suggest you change the last line slightly so it reads a little more smoothly and dramatically. Instead of; "But you wouldn’t give me the ...

All in all, i liked this poem. For some reason, the line "casting a flickering shadow of feathery clouds" disrupted the poem a little for me. I'm also not sure ...

I, personally, didn't think the rhyming in this poem was that great and didn't really understand how the poem in its entirety was structured. The rhyming seemed unevenly done and ...

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful critiques and comments. I'll make sure to take everything that was said into consideration.

I like the general idea, but the poem just didn't seem to work at all. Please, if you want to rhyme, do it in a structured and rhythmic or at ...

I understand what you were trying to imply in this poem but the rhythm and wording just didn't work for me. First off, with the "eyes" and "cry" rhyme, well ...

I thought that this poem was, perhaps, a lot of confusing blur for a message of relative simplicity. It seemed to me that the underlying meaning really had to be ...

Well, it may be sweet, but I simply found the underlying idea and descriptions too unoriginal. Many of the rhymes were forced or simply fit poorly. Cured and blurred don't ...

Thanks to both of you for your comments and constructive criticism. This poem is subject to individual interpretation, and the line "Perhaps too gently, some might say" could be considered ...

Okay! I've done some editing to the first stanza, and, well, it's not perfect, but gone is the dreaded "quake" line. I'm still not at all sure of the stanza ...

I appreciated this poem and thought that it was pretty good. The metaphor was relatively simple, but elegantly so. I thought the poem was a little long for such a ...

I liked the message you were trying to convey here, but I thought the poem in general was a little inconsistent. The rhyming definitely seemed forced. The fact remains that ...

Hmm, really? Thank you all for your comments and I will thoroughly consider them. Not many poems are written in this style, and I was experimenting a little. Thanks!