Shadowsun

What would you rather have in a dark alley at night? The pen? or the sword? I'd go for sword every time.

Granted! But you keep repeating the day over and over again and each time something goes catastrophically wrong. I wish that I will be made a Corporal!

Good, good. There is more description. The others have commented on everything and I'm not a repetitive person so... I'm enjoying reading this and I'm looking forward to more. ~ ...

Okay, I like this, but there is a general lack of description. Why use 'A image of a young man in his early twenties appeared.' when you can use, 'An ...

Granted! But it's something you don't like. I wish that I can actually sleep tonight

Cool, wierd little rabbit things, 8/10

Granted! But it disappears before you can eat it. I wish the hamster came back to life

My crits are only suggestions! You don't have to do what they say! Maybe I should put that at the top of each one.... ~ Shadowsun

:D thanks Dynamo :D

This is my second attempt at fantasy writing, so I don't expect it to be that good. ----- Chapter 1 – Broken Bonds Roa turned his gaze to the sky. ...

Have a great time! You'll have to tell us all about it when you get back. ~ Shadowsun :D

Ok, finishing the crit I sat still for a minute or two, thinking about what I had just got myself into . Then I shook my head and stood up. ...

Happy Birthday guys!! :D Cake is nice... ~ Shadowsun :D

Kalyee flew with me to the ground nest and then left without even looking at me. I raised an eyebrow at her back but then shook my head and walked ...

The griffin, Rogue ran ahead through the corridors of the university. Jacob must be near. James thought. A student walked round the corner with a blank expression on his face. ...