SeraphTree

It sounds good. A couple of things though. First, don't introduce too many characters at once. It leave us kind of confused about who the main character is. (Of course, ...

I really like your story so far. Gripping towards the end, though a little unclear. You should probably use a different spelling for ‘Dagron,’ because I first thought it said ...

Sorry for posting twice. My computer is incredibly slow and stupid. Oh, and Dude, I'm sorry about giving some of that advice *sheepish grin* I totally thought I was in ...

Thanks for the advice you guys- OO" Um, okay dancy. I'll hop to it and revise it as soon as possible. Thanks every body :D

What I would suggest, Zaw, is to describe the setting a little more. Also, when does this all happen? Is it the same day, or is it over the course ...

What I would suggest, Zaw, is to describe the setting a little more. Also, when does this all happen? Is it the same day, or is it over the course ...

I like this part AWWW anyway..... Since it's from Katie's point of view, maybe you should show more emotion or thoughts towards the end. Just an idea ;D

Oh my gosh!!!! I LOVE Jonathan Stroud!!! Have you read the Bartimaeus Trilogy? (I assume that you have) Ya, I have trouble sticking to an idea too. That's why I ...

I really liked the twist at the end, and the way you kept me guessing until then.

I'm not exactly sure what kind of genre this is. I took it from the Book of Mormon, so... religous fiction....? I thougth that it would be an interesting little ...

Your story sounds pretty good so far. It's a little unclear at the end- who is the story about? Are you switching points of view? :D I suggest drawing out ...

Hi I'm sworddance's friend... I don't have a real genre I like writing in. I like a little bit of everything- fantasy, mainstream, futuristic, SciFi, or, my personal favorite, Science ...