SeraphTree

Well, what I first noticed is that the dialogue is very stilted, which messes up the flow. Nami seemse to switch character on us. First she seems calm, and rather ...

Back! Back evil hand........ Dude, why did you set that thing on me? XDXDXDXDXD Let's see...... :) do to my ladylike lifestyle Wrong kind of 'do.' The one you want ...

OO" Please tell me that was a SMALL dictionary..... XDXDXD You're welcome. :D :D :D -.-* I did something like that with Songwood. Not showing enough emotion makes Kate a ...

Okay... you need to slow down. So many things are happening, it doesn't feel very significant when the hand and skeletons appear. More details and more feelings from Faith would ...

At the end, Ianna and Daeun seem extremely unforgiving to Hal, and we don't here from Anae at all. X( There are a few things that sound funny, like "Dismounted... ...

Oh, I'm sorry :( I thought I had made it more clear. Eisen is Briind, and Wrhaden is Iistengel. Sorry. X(X(X(X(X(X(X(X(X(

Sorry, I keep forgetting to reply X( No, you didn't repeat yourself. :D :D :D Last time you told my it was WAY too long >

Hmmm.... it's good, but there are a couple of things that bug me. X( First.... there is a lot of telling. Since this is the prologue, I would suggest you ...

I really liked your story. Very interesting and engrossing. The only thing I can think of is the Thunder of Paws... you might want to change the name, or specify ...

I changed some of it towards the end. Please tell me what you think :D :D :D >> “How sweet of you, Atlanta.” A thread of confusion meandered into the ...

As before, very interesting. A couple of things... The beginning is a little rushed and confusing. Some details would help. Ianna still seems a little out of character to me. ...

Lets see... a couple of things: Among the men stood many, many women, bearing knives and bows, hair tied back and faces fierce. At the forefront of the city stood ...

A small boy sat in the snow next to the softening stream, dozing slightly. The silence made it impossible to ignore the aurora’s reflection on the frozen stream. Break up ...

Alright. You are still telling, not showing. Training like this went on for months. A the end of the fifth month, Jonny could ding potions (and hit the targets), deadly ...

Again, thank you for what you wrote. :) I didn't realize that my character was so shallow XDXDXDXDXDXDXD I'll work on that. Get into her head more, and try to ...