SeraphTree

I agree with Dreami. The imagery is unclear. We really need the WHY factor in here, and more details :D

Welll... I didn't read the whole thing. :(:(:(:(:(:( The magnitude of the Nedra doesn't really hit. I mean, it just sounds like a giant lion with super powers. :D Read ...

Interesting piece. :D I gazed down at the brightly lit underground city from my perch on the top of an apartment building. This seems a bit crammed together. The many ...

No, it doesn't ruin your story :) A good example that comes to mind is The Bartimaeus trilogy, because it switches between three people in the second or third. In ...

I don't understand what you mean. Why are they writing to eachother? Or... something else? :D

Interesting. :D:D:D She, herself, was one, and never knew her real father This is confusing. Is she a celebrity love child, or just a love child? Also, it makes your ...

Interesting. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I ran outside and let out a gasp as I saw slow flakes as big as my palm and softer and lighter than a feather spiral down around ...

CHAYONZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haven't heard from you in a while. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D How are you? Nami woke with a start. She looked at her opened door through which Hart had just come throu

Not dumb, just not creative ;) Well, you could have one of the people say "We are standing in the blablablablablablabla :smt091 -oh forget it! Just call it the white ...

Sorry about that... anyway, on to the crit :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D It was hovering in the dusty air, fingers clenching and unclenching. A sickly wave of dark magic washed over me, but ...

Hi Raven. Why do you always ask how I am? I always tell you I’m good. I didn’t talk to my X today. I’m trying to stay away from him. ...

Space between paragraphs please :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

You need to space between paragraphs. Then I will crit :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Raven is a guy. Uh... I'll work on that :D:D:D:D:D You'll see more later. :D:D:D

Your work wont sound 'emo' if you do it right.:D Use this piece to relieve yourself. Get it all off your chest. It probably wont make sense when you first ...