SeraphTree

Very good! I really like this piece. You managed to convey thoughts and feelings without the 'talking animal' bit. They only thing I can think of is that you and ...

ChayONZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I though this piece was overall very good. You tend to have loaded sentences, and runon sentences too. Those are easily fixable. :D The yellow

First off, there is way too much telling in this. We don't need to know all about her life in the first paragraphs. We need more struggle and dialogue. :D ...

Thanks you guys! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Interesting. :D There are a few things *Seraph ducks behind the computer*: Save. Me. From. The. Dark. Save. Me. From. The. Light. I. Can't. Save. Myself. Again. I. Can't. Pull. ...

NP. :D I'm always willing to help :D -.-" I know what you mean about needing a break. Everyone needs one once in a while :D

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Lightning, thunder, save Koreth* Overall, very good. I couldn't see anything obvious, exept maybe the dream and a few descriptions we

CHAYONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***I^o^I*** What I suggest is that you break up the dialogue. Have more show, less tell, i.e., instead of Hart explaining the toxic nature of the leaf, have her ...

First of all, you keep switching between the MC [Belle or Raikoh?] and the other characters, and giving us needless information. So far, we really know nothing about them. "Well ...

BOMBOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D Hm. My suggestion is that you draw out the situation more. Make the MC gain the boy's trust, or vice versa. ;) You see, there is so much ...

Please space between paragraphs. It's very hard to read at the moment :D:D:D

Please space between paragraphs. Then I will crit. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

You need to really expound on this idea. Give us more background and flashbacks. A bit of dialogue would help to :D:D:D:D:D

I agree with Lauren about spacing. :) Hm. First off, your message is a bit muddled. I can't tell if you're talking about the Circle of Life, or Save our ...

BOM BOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D I have returned. :D:D I have to agree with all previous statements on this. :( There is so little to go on, we don't really grasp the ...