SeraphTree

I don't have time to critique your work right now, but I'd like to say that your writing has greatly improved! Your description of Sera and her family help them ...

Np. :D I'm glad to help. :D

Hey Dreamy. :D Sorry it's taking a while; I usually don't have access to a computer. :D The only thing I had was this: “DO NOT TEST ME, CHILD!” Nerezza ...

Thanks. :D That's quite helpful.

One of my characters is a nine-year-old, but she sounds older. It's hard for me to make her sound younger when she's the hero; any suggestions? *Seraph*

It's fine to have mini climaxes. We just need a break between them. ;)

Hey, Dreamy! :D First off, I really, really like this part. You did a good job with description. Your first paragraph really captured me. :D The only advice I have ...

:lol: I imagine the maniacal laughter when you say she's supposed to be insane. Hm. My suggestion is that you make her mind dark and muddled- confused about what's right ...

Sup, Dreamy. :D *cheer* Nerezza didn’t eat, so neither would she. We're given no indication of this beforehand. ;) She drank from a water bottle stashed in the back of ...

Yeah. Just try putting yourself in her shoes. Also, you don't have to worry too much, since this is your first draft. I mean, you're going to do a lot ...

First off, :smt081 really cool! I like how you have a force controlling both Sara and Nerezza. Just have to be a little careful about it. :D Sara’s head spun ...

:thud: Not a big fan of needles. :smt005 Hm. We need more thought bubbles here; how is Sara going to fix the problem? How does she propose to make it ...

The part I have trouble with is the flashback, and the Principle's actions towards her. With the latter, it seems like he's trying to play psychologist to her. I find ...

This is way too long. Please post it into at least into two smaller posts, then I will crit. :D

Sup, Dreamy. :D First off, :shock: and :smt035 . Your opening was very good, the only thing was these two sentences: Nerezza would be in the back of the building, ...