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Re: The Dead Poets Society
Interesting. :D To get to the light, the This line messed up your flow in the verse. Running around in the midnight moons’ light, This is rather a mouthful. I ...
Jan 25, 2008 -
Re: Where do we fall?
Interesting. The middle was the best in my opinion, because of imagery. There were a few part that were confusing, but they are easily fixable. :D The beginning and end ...
Jan 25, 2008 -
Re: cold black heart
It is hidden deep down in my h e art. I must agree with Syd. Because of the random caps and the punctuation, this makes it sound like 'poor me' ...
Jan 25, 2008 -
Re: This is nothing. Don't look at it. It's just nothing...
I agree with Amelia. Instead of saying 'orange hurts my eyes,' say 'GAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!' Put her in a normal situation. School, dance, etc... maybe the ...
Jan 24, 2008 -
Re: Death scene: Zebra
Thanks Azila. Sorry, 'miniscule' was a typo. :( I thought I did use it correctly, but whatev. :D Haha! I didn't see that rhyme! :D I was trying to go ...
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: Jean - Part 2
:D:D:D * “Nice phone.” She admired. “Where’d you get it?” Luc studied his phone. “This?” he asked. “My dad got it…” he swallowed and rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes. ...
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: The Fivefold Road
I will crit this. :D It's just getting a little late. :( :D:D:D:D:D
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: The Ronin Trinity
Please space between paragraphs. :D Then I will crit. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: Oh, I Loved that Dog
Hm. I suggest you reveal more feelings here. Make us feel what you feel. Other than that, cute. :D
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: Death scene: Zebra
Author 13 has a 'Death scene' contest. Thanks for the crit Wozzie. The work seemed rather weak, but I couldn't tell why. :D:D:D:D Thank you :D:D:D:D:D
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: Death scene: Zebra
As stated, this is for Author13's contest. I'm not sure how the last few paragraphs are, so.................. yes. Have fun! :D:D:D:D I looked up from my book, puzzled by the ...
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: Moment out of time
Interesting. It reminds me of Orinoco Flow, by Enya. :D:D:D Keep writing I thoroughly enjoyed it. :D
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: Welcome to Nirvana! Chapter One
BOM BOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have returned. :D First off, let me say that this is a very interesting concept. I'm interested as to why you call this place Nirvana. Now onto ...
Jan 22, 2008 -
Re: Jean
:D Luc bit his tongue as he strode over to his locker. No crying, he told himself. The last thing you need is to be sent home again. A tear ...
Jan 22, 2008 -
Re: Welcome to Nirvana! Chapter One
Please space between your paragraphs. :D Then I will crit. :D:D:D
Jan 22, 2008