Sapphire

Hi, I had a poem that I'd had a bit of trouble on. I'd love some more thoughts on it, if you have time: Thank you! :)

Hey, I've changed the structure a little to give you ideas on how to set it out so it would be easier to read, and added some thoughts in bold. ...

The whole song is really beautiful but as most people have already said, your first stanza is particularly good. As robyns37 said, the poetic quality of the song is one ...

Well done on both! What a valuable member of YWS! :D

Hiya! For me, at least, there seemed no point in attempting to find points you can improve on because I read it through the first time and didn't feel any ...

I've had the exact same experience. For a long time, I was writing dark poems, then I just stopped writing. Got out of the habit of it and still haven't ...

Hi, I'll start by picking out typos and other little things like that. :lol: - The first semi-colon. I'm not sure this punctuation is right. - 'you can't bear to' ...

I want my writing to sparkle and to leap off of the page. It would disco dance and backflip ‘til my reader was engaged. Words would visit the thesaurus and ...

Female, 5'4..maybe? Red-head & Hazel eyes. XP Wow, I'd love that! But unfortunately you only got 'female' right and that information is beside my post. :lol: I'd guess you're 5'2 ...

Male, 16, er... 5'8, brown hair and blue eyes.

Wow, great! A couple of points: - 'His battle cry translates crushed ice/into cold water'. I'm not sure 'translates' really works. It doesn't convey the ferocity enough, it's a little... ...

I loved these lyrics! Going to agree with chocoholic again about 'Even moving mountains' - it disturbs the first verse a little. In the second verse I think 'And why ...

** Someone to shoot the stars with me Tell me what you want kid, I’ll empty my pockets, it’s true! Ever since you made life worth living, I’ve pledged my ...

Hi, I don't like to see work go without a response so I'm going to leave my thoughts. :) I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but some ...

Well done and well-deserved! :)