Rydia

Hey there again! I think I prefer this chapter to the other. It's smoother and you develop the character of Amara well. There could still be more description though. For ...

There, that's four so far. Behind schedule but that's okay because I have very little planned for tomorrow so make sure I have at least another two or three links ...

Okay so this was an interesting chapter but I think there's quite a bit that's unnecessary. I think you gave too much of the character's background so that the tone ...

Hey there Melissa, welcome to the site! Why not tell us a little about your interests? If you have questions or would like a critique, feel free to pm me, ...

Hello dear! Wonderful as always though I do think the love interest is starting to be a little drawn out. Time for them to start acting on it perhaps? Your ...

Mishca I looked up as Renegade pushed the train, watching the ceiling of the tunnel as it trembled and began to disintegrate. "Transform Annie," I urged. "The cart is too ...

Raven I thought I saw a single tear course down his face, reflecting all the hopes we held in him but then he reached up and rubbed his eye and ...

Isabelle "Gregory..." I hesitantly placed my hand upon his shoulder but he shrugged it away and picked up his jacket in one hand, tossing it over his arm before taking ...

Julian "I..." she stammered, hr cheeks aflame with a crimson glow. "Then you will not mind if I accompany you? A moonlit walk through the meadows would be most pleasant." ...

I like this, you have some lovely description and I really enjoyed reading it. I do have some suggestions though. First, try to use all five of the senses. You ...

Day 1. 7:28. Katalyn. I hovered near the tents, wondering where everyone had disappeared to. The faint echoes of voices were like ghosts in my ears. I closed my eyes ...

Hey there, any cousin of Saint is a cous... err... friend of mine =) Lovely to meet you. If you have questions or would like a critique, feel free to ...

This is very well thought out. I love the plot you're working with and your main character has a very good natural voice but I think you need to work ...

Mishca The train continued to gather momentum at first but as the second hour passed, it slowed down as Renegade became tired and his mech drained its power. At first ...

Raven "You should have warned us," I whispered when we re-joined Luke, my heart still pounding against my breast. "This way," he said calmly. We walked across the black rock, ...