Rydia

*Moved to The Lounge* Please remember that the 'Other' forum is for original pieces of writing. Thank you.

Hey again! I liked this section but I don't think it was as good as the others. What was good, was the ending and the part with Caboose and the ...

Violet Violet waited until she was certain that her sister was gone before brushing her hair from her face and drying her eyes with a white, violet embroidered handkerchief. The ...

This is good. I decided to read the prologue and chapter one before commenting and I think my main advice for all three sections is to slow down and add ...

- A short piece with too much dialogue towards the end. Thank you, Ari and let me know if I can return the favour.

This is an intriguing little piece. I agree with Gryphon that you need to do more showing rather than telling, actually describing the scenes to us instead of just reporting ...

A few small things others haven't mentioned - Tears dripped onto them, one by one, causing Eleanor to cry anymore. [I think you probably mean even more or much more?] ...

Hey there! I quite liked this. I thought that the general concept was a little unoriginal but your plot was unique enough for that to not matter and your characters ...

(Yeah, I suppose we do.) Raven One by one, the companions drifted to sleep. Ilum and Karana lay one beside the other, their breathing harmonized and their bodies entwined as ...

"We have to go after them!" Heather exclaimed, staring after Nutty and Adam as they sped towards the space station. Who knew how many would die if Elisandro was not ...

Violet "Vi?" Fern called softly as she entered the office where Violet was seated at a small oak desk, signing her name upon a document. "Hmm?" She responded; distracted. A ...

I think you have an intriguing start here. I will answer your questions in a moment but firt a few small suggestions/ corrections - I realized I was lying down, ...

Azael Azael drew the rope in slowly and coiled it into his pack before shouldering the burden. Calmly he moved to the side and, pressing his body firmly against the ...

A very good piece of work, Prok. The concept is slightly unoriginal and the plot not overly interesting but the way it is written makes it intriguing and draws the ...

Hey again! I'll not critique grammar and such as I'd probably only be pointing out mistakes that have already been acknowledged or changed but you said you wanted comments on ...