Rydia

A few quick suggestions first - She would read Matty bedtime stories before he went to fell asleep [This is awkward. Perhaps 'before he went to sleep' or you could ...

A few typos first - I started wal k ing towards her. She looked confused for a second, then the fear struck her. I saw he r hands tremor slightly. ...

Just one grammar issue I'd like to point out - The battle had stopped when both teams stop ped firing at each other. I think you had some excellent dialogue ...

Violet "Break it down," the man who had spoken before commanded, stepping out of the way to let two others through. They were carrying crow-bars. I struggled to get free ...

I think it's an excellent idea. I was actually a little confused by the system of gaining points for posting in storybooks but that makes sense now.

I have to be honest and say I didn't really like this. I found it simple and a little unoriginal. At first, I thought there was going to be some ...

Violet As soon as Fern entered Max's room and shut the door behind her, I knew my choice was made. It wasn't just him I was protecting; it was my ...

I'll not repeat what others have said but I agree with all comments so far and also, the face needs work. The nose is too low down and not really ...

Hmmm. I'm not sure where to form an opinion on this one though I can answer the question about rating for you easily enough - anything with the word 'cum' ...

Scipio and Alice stepped to the side as they arrived at the space station. "Okay, now we just have to find them," Heather stated, wielding the sword before her as ...

Violet When everyone had finally finished breakfast and Violet had begun serving re-fills for tea and coffee and clearing the tables, she began to wonder where Fern had gone. It ...

Azael "I'm not scared," Azael said, his voice suddenly calm and still. His whole body appeared to retract and he stood calmly, his face blank, his eyes staring inside himself. ...

Thank you so much everyone! Sureal - Thanks for the tips, I'll alter some of my speech tags and try to expand that section. Araidne - Good point. There was ...

A few brief suggestions first - Curdled moonlight writhed on the blade as she held it [s]on[/s] high. Isaria's patience rose. [I think you mean fell or decreased. Anger would ...

The Smell of Victory. “Smell that boys? Now that is the smell of victory.” The Sergeant and his four remaining soldiers all inhaled deeply. “Gas,” Samuel said, raising an arm ...