Rydia

I've already given my verdict on this one, dear, though I have realised that I have a small suggestion and one which is purely structure. i think that maybe moving ...

Lol. I'll try harder in the future not to influence your writing ;) April 11: The last line is lovely and the irregular rhyme works beautifully. I think you could ...

SUNSHINE I don't have a door [s]so[/s] and we didn't want anyone to see. I really have no criticism of this, it's wonderful. I love the theme of the budget ...

Hey Andy! Your description in this piece is beautiful, especially that of setting. I think the only suggestion I have for you is the one about tense. Here's the sentences ...

April 1: Your persona has a strong voice and the opening line has a great impact but I think you need to work on the atmosphere and the feel of ...

Hey there Thief! I think this still needs some work but it's good. I love the theme of mythology running through it and I really can't wait to see how ...

This is great! I'm loving the character of Sunshine more and more and the plot is looking promising with the added competition from Harvey Lions. I think you could maybe ...

Julian "It would please my sister very much. Currently she has been called away to her cousin's place but come, we will take the carriage unless you'd rather walk?" Julian ...

April 1: Bubbles make us feel abandoned I'd suggest ending this line in a full stop. I like the theme of this one, I think the positive view on death ...

I'm going to try to bring the characters together over the next few days but feel free to find and interact with each other while you wait... Rydia Caelin and ...

April 3: This is very well written. I usually dislike poems that read as prose but this one has enough beauty in description, little details and the simplicity of your ...

Hey there Sela! (I personally think Anreya is awfully pretty but I'd probably forget how to spell it so I'll stick with your user-name) Anyway, welcome to YWS, it's lovely ...

April 9: andthe t.v talks back, Should be 'and the' and maybe 'T.V' rather than 't.v'. Also, I'd suggest removing the speech marks from around throb, throb and placing that ...

April 11 (1): I'd suggest taking away the repetition of soft but this one is pretty. It's a little fragmented and I'm not sure about 'Scarlet silk etches...' maybe shifts ...

Hey there, welcome to the site! Just wondering if there's any particular nickname you'd like? Only, calling you writer really wouldn't work and deaf isn't the most complimentary of nicknames. ...