Rydia

April 10: [s]makeing[/s] making a puddle of sorrow on the table. This one was cute but it was too simple and lacking in imagery. I think it would be better ...

April 1. The words of this one are great but you really need to fix the grammar. Use capital letters and remove those question marks. You have a good theme, ...

April 12: I'm going to be brutally honest and say that I really don't like this one, Jas. The rhythm is very jerky if not non-existant and the theme is ...

1. The flow of this poem is really nice and it has a very strong start but I actually felt that it got a little too repetetive towards the end. ...

You killed her? Man, that really sucks! Lol, only kidding but in all seriousness, she was a good bad guy, uh girl XD This was a pretty good chapter. I'm ...

RoryLegend - No, I think we'll meet up with them the next day so they can have some time to interact together. I'll have our characters head towards the nearest ...

The quality continues to be brilliant. I absolutely adore the part with the mouse and when Sunshine is complaining about Tigerlily killing things. It almost reminds me of a conversation ...

Becker furrows his brow and begrudgingly moves to the desk[s] and[/s] , pulling out a chair. Luke grabs the backpack about to fall of f James ' shoulder and sets ...

I love how Ann is really starting to take control of everything and the scene with Simone and Luke was just so perfect. Seriously, how do you think up these ...

Done.

April 1: I think there's some nice imagery here but some of the lines are a little rough and the rhyming soudns forced. Here's a few suggestions - What if ...

I've no objection to first person at all and don't worry about the lack of activity, we haven't got too much further yet. I think I'll have Rydia find both ...

This flows really well in places but some of the lines feel a touch out of place; I think it needs just a little tidying up. For example, in your ...

LENA Yeah, we'll miss you…I'm sure Luke will to o , even if he isn't here. This was filled with great scenes and was Jeremy really about to fire one ...

Just reading over it again, there's one line I'm not so sure about, actually: Knock on me down, wail at will, I don't quite understand... but in general, me likes ...