Rydia

Mostly just some grammar suggestions and typos in this one, but I did want to briefly comment on the plot. In the scene when Rachel tells her story and they ...

Aflonyddwch emosiynol Cold. Still with my eyes closed, I curled up tight and wrapped my arms around myself. I tried to scrub my upper arms with my hands and still ...

Falling in Flames Short story by Lewis Beach As our four Sopwith squadron flew over the French countryside [Comma here.] we noticed the large grey balloons rising slowly from behind ...

I’m not entirely sure why it is that people insist that success smells sweet. What I must rank as my greatest success did not smell sweet. It smelt of salted ...

Chapter One Gypsy had read the letter almost twenty times since it had arrived that morning. [Phrases like this bug me and they're not very dramatic. I'd suggest that you ...

I'm a nasty critiquer so I'm going to start off negatively and say you need more punctuation! But I always try to be fair and I have to admit that ...

Craffter busnes ‘I beg your pardon?’ The man sighed and began again. ‘What is your n-n-n-n-name?’ I grinned. His stutter was hilarious. ‘The Raven, the only hybrid out of Kiona.’ ...

Roxanne Peters; 3:30; the lounge. Roxanne drained the last of her coffee and then stood, ready to try and take command of the huddle of doctors, patients and interns clogging ...

Samuel Andrews; Venice, Italy; October 12th 2008; 5:00pm. (Why the sudden change in date everyone? Especially you, kittykat. I'm sure it doesn't take two days to disembark from a plane.) ...

Roxanne and Jeremy are with Daniel and Evan outside the ER, in the lounge.

The snow is my favourite part of England but unfortunately, we don't get enough. But yay! Can't wait to see you!

Some lovely improvements! Here's another line by line with a few more suggestions. August 3, 1978 Dearest Donny, You truly made my day when you visited yesterday [I think some ...

This chapter has improved greatly =) Before I rather disliked the fortune telling scene because it felt too stereotypical to me but it's more original now and you have some ...

Arhosfeydd We slept that night at another inn. This one was bigger and cleaner, but after what had happened at the last inn, Quennel wasn’t ready to entrust his hybrid ...

Dearest Donny, Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming to see me. [This isn't the most wonderful of beginnings. It just sounds like your average thank you letter. It ...