Rubric

I think the problem you may have here is that it's difficult to develop characters such as gods in a non-archetypal way. As a quick question; are you planning on ...

Cheers guys, especially Syd and Seeminglymeaningless, I think you've pinpointed the problems with this piece quite nicely. The tone is overly formal because it's a prologue, and because I want ...

Perchance an opening is required for said enjoyment? Look, I've seen that you've had the same problem elsewhere, perhaps you should pm someone (even me), to get a hand properly ...

Hah, sorry, By HP I mean Harry Potter. Obviously you can differentiate with fairyness, but a lot of fantasy these days will be derived from the Harry Potter Series. Good ...

Cheers staggy, I guess the long sentences and the general lengths are what's putting people off reviewing this. But yeah, I think I understand what you mean about losing the ...

Pullman has been described as the anti- CS Lewis and to be honest I have to agree. The only reason I wouldn't call him a better author is because he's ...

“What are the little flaps adhered to the ceiling above the front seats of cars called? You know, the things with mirrors, that shield your eyes from the sun...?” Sun ...

And so it was that these Exiles escaped that worst of punishments. But exiled they were, and to a world both young and primitive. Though punished for sacrilege, they maintained ...

"Also, some of the fairies stared at me " You don't need also for this new sentence. Since Glow is going to be important/magical or whatever you could capitalise it, ...

This is well written, there's nothing to really pick at here. but... "When every person is but a child" You can easily use "When I was but a child" because ...

Righto, before I start, it's a good idea and don't get put off by what are really minor details. 'Gaia, 10,000 years ago' Personally I think this kind of theing ...

Hey guys, I have to agree about the importance of trying new ideas with something as archetypal as dragons. I'm writing a trilogy/something bigger and dragons are sort of the ...

Jus behaviourally; wouldn' a hawk tak a kill a safe place before eating it? Eating the sentry outside the warren would expose it to unneccesary danger. "glinted in excitement" Is ...

Dark Much? I'm not exactly sure what you're saying all the time here, obviously you might be trying to avoid...graphic detail, but sometimes you're shuffling between cryptic and downright uninformativ

You have a good introduction but the thing that strikes me right away is that you're using first person narration. This is great but as I gather your protagonist is ...