RowanHowler

Hello, Mechanics Make sure you capitalize your "i"'s and only break to a new paragraph if a new person is speaking, or a new subject occurs. Only use Ellipses once ...

Part Two I managed the two blocks to my house without any problem. The creatures seemed to have vacated most of my side of town. The fear I’d been holding ...

Part One [url=34982]enter message here[/url] [url=34982]34982[/url] I inched down the deserted street. It seemed the already miniscule place had become a ghost town. The sky darkened with every step I

Hello, Cecily is a very interesting looking character, and I like that she's not outright beautiful. I think her characterization was mostly angry, and if this is a short story ...

Hello there, I'm pretty new to this site but I've been working on my novel for some time now and I'm at a point where I'd love feedback. Nitpicks and ...

Hello, Resting against the scolding shell- I think you want scalding Overall, I do want to read on, which is great and the main purpose of a first chapter. It ...

Chapter Two Alex gazed at the dark, worn down houses. Everything was limp and cracked like a soggy milk carton. The smell of misery seeped from the cement and rotting ...

Ashley hadn’t been feeling well ever since he’d eaten the egg. He felt heavy, too weighed down to move and his entire body was coated with a thin film of ...

Hello, A town with a very, very rich history.- very is a word that can be taken out whenever it is used and only strengthen writing. It means (very) little. ...

Hello, Your beginning caught my attention because the main character, in present tense is very direct. However, I think you will need to be very original and make your character ...

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Thanks for the great comments! And thank you Jiggity for the excellent suggestions. I do seem to have a nasty habit of dropping speech marks, lol. I am new to ...

Hello, I think you do a good job with emotions, I can clearly feel the main character's misery and fear in the very beginning, and her parents aren't far behind. ...

Hello, Great job with vocabulary! Oddly enough, my suggestion is to cut back on more complex or less common words to make it easier to understand ex-"adroitly", "misdemeanors". As you ...

Hello, I think this has great potential for teen fiction! I do, however, have a lot of suggestions which you can look over and see if you agree with. I ...