RoseGryffindor

This part makes it seem like it's going to be in first person. It started out like any other normal day. Erin, this part is iffy, it seems kind of ...

I wish I could've writen like this in fourth grade....ANYWAYS! The story was good, highly entertaining. The emotion and characters are conveyed quite clearly (I love the grandma!) And I ...

Wow! This is utterley amazing! I would love if you turned this into a book! I would totally read it! Suspenseful and the story is told nice. The emotion is ...

Awesome! It's got some simplicity to it and one would believe it follows the Beowolf story quite well if they hadn't read the story before. Well done!

Sorry, I tried to indent this but it just wouldn't work.

Prelogue She paced back and forth furiously. How dare she! How dare that girl keep me locked in here, she thought. Powerless, unable to escape. Scowling, she knew deep down ...

I have to say reading it in mind of the fact that you guys were making this up in Band pretty funny. :P Anyways yeah it's pretty good. I think ...

Ok so overall it was a good story. You have a very strong beginning, I like it and the sister is a good touch. But could fix a few things. ...

Omygosh this is adorable! I actually really quite enjoyed this! Besides a few grammatical and spelling errors this was done quite well. Your brother really does need to keep writing!

Beautiful poem. There are somethings you could change and add though. Since the person has already came into your life you need to make it past tense. Also, maybe you ...

I know there is one spot in here that is a little confusing so I will go ahead and clarify it. The Dark Lady is the Blue Sister. When the ...

This is beautiful. I love it! That is all I have to say.

I think it's quite clever what you did with the first stanza and then explaining/apologizing. Conveying a clear message of the narrator being confused because their head and heart are ...

It's very different I have to say but interesting. Kind of jumbled together so it can be hard to understand, but it's a good start. I would say keep working ...

Hello, This is really good but I think you're overdoing some things like using "fancy" words when normal words would work just, if not, better. It was very romantic and ...