Riveneye

Thanks for your very lengthy and helpful reviews everyone. Don't worry none of them seemd to mean :) Yeah I'll probably pm you Hope when I give it a good ...

Okay I have edited and added a totall fresh revised copy of this story. You can also read it here via it's place in a novel of mine.

Okay I've added a fresh revisied copy and I'm in the process of taking out the copy of this I had posted in the regular fantasy short stories.

Hmm, I see what your getting at. So it looks like the beginning is what needs more work. Yes this boy was basically supposed to be Jesus/God in disguise.

Thanks like I said before I think I'll put up a edited copy later today. I'm not going to keep it totally to myself. The same friend that wrote it ...

Thanks for all of the help so far. I actually didn't write this story a friend of mine did. He had me put it up on here and is having ...

Yes your right this could defintely have more imagery and the scenes as I noticed now are very rushed. Guess that'll be my first thing to work on. I was ...

I didn't mean that I wasn't worried about the paragraphs themselves. I just meant when I ready to publish this I won't worry. As for the on here I'll just ...

Yep I saw your post. I understand what your saying with the words was or were. I've read several books on writing. All of them tell you to avoid repetitive ...

Yeah I know. I have it formatted just fine in MS Word. So I'm not really worried about the paragraphs.

Thanks a lot I'm definitely going to take what you said into consideration. I wanted to make sure it wasn't to messed up before I cross it off the list. ...