Ringo_rules987

The Shining Sea The shining sea is my lover. She is a doormat, she is my blood. She spreads cherry jellyfish on the darkened toast of my body. They wriggle ...

This isn't bad, by any means. There were some good elements in there, but you had a few blunders in there as well that need fixing. First, the lack of ...

I won't break this down stanza by stanza, I don't find it necessary. Your main problem here is that you made this far too self-indulgent. I felt very disconnected from ...

When I first read this, I was a bit confused, but once I read it over I understood the theme you were going for, which was pretty clever from my ...

When I first read this, I was a bit confused, but once I read it over I understood the theme you were going for, which was pretty clever from my ...

You had some good elements in here, but something falls short. I'm not sure how much you thought about, "how can I make this topic the best it can possibly ...

One in Need I see a sack of arrogance you filled with joyful air. Its air that you devoured, is like a greedy sinkhole dragging the Earth into hell. I ...

I think you had the right idea conceptually, but those rhymes just ruined it for me. They're force, overdone, and I don't think that they are necessary at all for ...

I Spy You want to play a game? I spy fresh morning dew, that glistens in the radiant sun. The moisture on the grass sparkles like a moonlight oasis. I ...

I don't have much to say about this one. It wasn't bad by any means, but it wasn't, well... amazing. Your imagery was okay, but you need a few metaphors ...

Okay let's do this. The first two stanzas of the poem were very good in my opinion. They were fun, you had some nice adjectives and adverbs thrown in there ...

Cade - an obscure Bright Eyes reference? You're my new best friend. Anyway, I see where you're coming from. I didn't want to it become monotonous with my word choices, ...

This is a decent first poem. I liked it, mainly because that's my primary style of poetry. My problem is your lack of imagery, you basically made one very powerful ...

It was nice, but it doesn't necessarily leave me with an impact nor did I feel the topic was at all unique. What really bothered me throughout the entire poem ...

The First Day of My Life A wave of the future hits me like an epiphany of the past. Everything is clean and new, like the first snow of winter. ...