Rigel

Ha! This was clever. I think you should make an effort to make the beginning as dryly humorous as the ending. Put in some jabs at poems that wax on ...

I don't think that you needed the bit in italics, the "why did my parents leave me here like this." It was telling, not showing, and redundant. Otherwise I liked ...

I am a bit neurotic about rhyming, and I would just like to let you know that most of this doesn't rhyme. Some of it rhymes, but you have no ...

A bard of yore strode in to fight, a sight uncommon even then He came to help his kingdom, clutching sword and clutching pen And holding fast the reins of ...

This is fine for lyrics as long as the music is as violent as the words. I like my songs to rhyme, but this is fine. It's okay to repeat ...

Step one: change the title. I hate the title to death. I started to read this, expecting to laugh at a piece of pointless emo swill, when in reality it ...

In-depth review time. Darkness is not the most original subject, but it's doable. Not saying you aren't inspired, just saying that a lot of other people have had your idea. ...

This is terrific. You had an irregular rhyme scheme, which is my own personal style, but then you made it very regimented (pun intended) towards the end. It was a ...

Well isn't emo about letting your own feelings of sadness out for the world to see? If people think that emo people are odd, why should they bottle those feelings ...

Self-destructive thoughts are always faulty in a suburban setting, and nearly always taste of cardboard when made into poems.

HAHAHAHAHA. I loved it. You kind of kill the name joke at the beginning though. You could cut out a lot of that and it would be funnier. For example: ...

It comes all at once as the businesses let their employees go catch the peak trains they can get and the snakes of the city sneak silently under the feet ...

You deserve better than the middle of the page. I dunno. It wasn't that original of an idea: the tortured poet, the love that is out of reach. I did ...

I really liked it at the end when you migrated away from the traditional ABAB rhyme scheme and mixed it up a little bit. It felt more natural and allowed ...

I liked this a lot. The repetition was necessary in order to show how crushing it was to have mom not show up over and over and over again. I ...