Rei

Welcome. And congrats on your bravery for posting a poem to let us rip it apart. I'm more of the prose critiquer, but I like to make a few comments ...

Where is it going?

Yeah, post that, and let us know the type of response you're looking for if you want something specific

Since when doe sthat sort of thing interfere with the nose?

How many words is it? If it is at least 50K you can still publish it as a YA novel depending on the publishers you want. Sometimes even shorter if ...

Yeah, it was a bit silly for me, too. I'm sure you could keep the same spirit and still have some more descriptive details here so I could have a ...

It's not at the Ontario Science Centre, it's at the Royal Ontario Museum, but I bet there would be some in a science museum in the animals section: a bat ...

7/10 It's not that boring, but you lose points for self-promoting

Well, some of my characters have been in a lot of pain, but I wouldn't call it torture *runs to get her USB key to look up some older stuff*

3/10 I'm tired and it's too long.

It was sweet. I think I liked it more because of how much it reflects my life and what I hope will happen. Anyway, if you want to improve this, ...

Guess us Canadians are pretty spread out.

However, how does she know the baby is a girl? How far along is she? It takes about 18-20 weeks before the baby's gender can be determined and by then ...

Can't you smell the smoke?

Would you really want to bother them with something this trivial?