Rei

I don't think anyone has said snockered or pissed as another way of saying drunk. These are the ones I usually use. In Canada, I don't think anyone actually says ...

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read it. If anyone else reads this, I could really use specific responses to the monologue.

First of all, your intro is very cheesy, and a bit insulting for a fantasy writer to read. You wrote it, so it is therefore not beyond your imagination, so ...

This is just an opening paragraph. You gptta do more with it.

Anime!

I agree, Himitsu. This was very funny, and very refreshing. Maybe a bit long, but enjoyable to read.

Absolutely nothing! Just kidding. Jeans, a red tank top, white shoes and socks, and a red pullover around my waist.

Just relax. Don't think about it. Read for a while and maybe it will come to you. The most important thing to do is don't worry. We all have these ...

I'll have to second what Writersdomain said about your opening sentence, and really the entire first paragraph. Overall, it's an okay start. I agree with the points made already, positive ...

Yeah, I've got one, but he retired over a year ago.

YAY! CANDY! \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/ \:D/

I'd say we're all friends of a sort just by being a member of this group.

You're taking a bit too much time getting the story going. This is a short story. Don't explain things before they happen. Just make it happen. And if something needs ...

I think I'm going to have to go along with what emotion less said. A good read. I liked what it was about, and most of the line breaks didn't ...

What I see here is a big story in a far-too-small package. You've got the language of a folktale down, and it sounds good, but the story here seems to ...