Rei

Not critical. Just confused. I wouldn't have minded as much if it had been indicated that this was just an opening rather than an entire piece. Since there wasn't, I ...

Why would you post only four paragraphs?

whatever

I'm confused. What was the point of this? Do we have a future Gordon Korman in our midsts?

Once again, not a suicide story.

I don't think either of you have any idea how early this takes place. You're off by about 1200 years when you say civil war. Corsets didn't exist yet, and ...

It was still before dawn. I tossed abd turned in my bed. It was just too early, but I was wide awake. The only other people awake at this hour ...

Your first mistake is waiting until the second paragraph to give us your characters name. It doesn't help. Neither does the tone. The character feels very real for me, but ...

I resent that definition of a geek! I am an ubergeek, and my behaviour is (usually) very socially acceptable. I want to create a new meaning of the word geek ...

This reads more like a summary than an actual story. It's a well-written summary, but it's missing a lot. Like dialogue, visual descriptions, internal monologue from one or more of ...

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to go with everyone else on this one.

It wouldn't surprize me if your parents probably thought it was a lot more than it really was. As nicklepickle said, talk your mom. Make sure you have all of ...

I don't have a problem with writing about suicide, but it should feel personal. There should be a reason there, some thoughts, even if you don't say exactly what that ...

Same here. I'm Canadian, but we get a lot of the same media, and therefore the same idioms and slang. I went to a school full of people who talked ...

YAY! I've finally found someone else who's as into Jim Henson and Star Wars as me. Yihoo. Just about everything I write has been influenced slightly by one or both ...