Ranne

Hiya! Welcome to YWS! Now, down to reviewing. I don't know what is going on in your story. What is the plot? You might want to expand on this chapter ...

Wow! Great story you have got there! It really pulled me in. The only thing I would change would be rewording We lived in a small village in the countryside, ...

Hi, RedRaven! I think you actually have a great plot and a great piece. There are a few things you could work on, though. About the prolougue: like torigirl15 side, ...

Hey, tigs6969! I really like your piece, though, overall, there are a few things you could improve on, one being that you have a lot of voice in your writing, ...

Hi! I'm a newbie too. YWS sure looks promising, huh? Anyways, time to review. I like your story. There are some grammar mistakes, and run-on sentences. Like Esther Sylvester says, ...

Thanks for all the reviews! Okay, I get it, slow down. I did get rid of the beginning because that didn't have very much relevancy nor detail. Also, the titles ...

Your story is pretty good, except it doesn't really pull me in and make me want to read more. I think you should continue working on it, though. There are ...

The little Earth boy knew he wanted to be a guard. His father was a guard, and his father before him, and his father before him. In fact, the family ...

Your prologue is okay, but it doesn't really pull me, as the reader, in. It's missing the vital 'pizazz'. Besides that, I have some nit-picks. You are missing a lot ...

I can't say that I am not a bit confused. I like the general idea, but I agree that it isn't really a story, and your sentences are kind of ...