RacheDrache

You're getting closer! Transitions and the like are still irking me a bit, but it's mainly nitpicking time. The main one is still here: She lay sprawled across the bed, ...

Hmm... first, I think it's important not to confuse the length of the piece with how quick or slow it seems. Because this piece, to put it bluntly, was both ...

Gah, so sorry it took so long for me to get back to you on this! I need to remember to click 'subscribe.' I'm actually kinda relieved that this is ...

I think that when it comes to first person narratives, readers are more than willing to overlook the fact that if this were a real first-person account, it would have ...

Wow! Thanks everyone! I don't much like superhuman boyfriends either. I prefer mine perfectly human, if I do say so myself :) And hidden jokes? They're probably there without me ...

Thanks Talulahbelle! I'll go round up those commas. I turn my back for one second, and they go get themselves misplaced or lost. What can you do. And fiction903, it's ...