Pyxis

I really like this... the plot was intriguing. My only problems were: 1. The name Twilightstripe. It just seems too long and unrealistic. Though I wouldn't bother changing it if ...

:) This is good. Maybe it could be a few lines longer to explain the thinking back part at the end. Also, that the end was three lines while the ...

This made me laugh... it seemed to flow even though it didn't rhyme. Great Job! :smt038

This is okay. The one thing that really annoyed me is that it's Scorpius, not Scorpio. Also, I don't think Albus would have called Rosie 'cousin' if he took after ...

Harry pressed his nose against the misted window of the Hogwarts Express, scowling. How had he ever landed in this predicament? Mrs. Weasley had forced him to go back to ...

This is good considering your age. It could be much longer, though. If you want to capture a reader's interest, maybe you could start out with a scene where you ...

Not sure about the title! Please review. Chapter 1 Leif of Renth was not particularly talented, but quickthinking and brave, two vital characteristics if he was to be knighted someday. ...

This was good overall. The dialogue was strained. If you added some punctuation that would be much better. I loved your names- Eaglepaw and Whitewater especially. Keep writing! :) :) ...

That's easy. My grandfather crying. ~Leif If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

This is, again, okay. I have two suggestions. SPACE. And I thought the dialogue during the song was a little weird. If you edit and SPACE, it could be really ...

This is okay. :!: Everyone is saying this, but you really need to space :!: I couldn't tell who was talking and it is much harder to keep your place. ...

I hope you like the changes :) Chapter 1 Annie stared blankly out of the sixteenth story window in New York, New York, watching the cars race below her. Worry ...

Not sure about the title, and I may add more to Chapter 1. Chapter 1 Annie stared glumly out the window of her father's apartment in New York City, brow ...

I changed the beginning. Please tell me what you think.

This didn't seem serious. Some reasons: 1. It was one sentence 2. Half of it was comprised of *** 3. It was not appropriate for children ages 2-5, but much ...