PsychicNinja

Konbanwa, Audra-chan! Hehe, you know how it works: “What’s the matter?” He loosened his grip on her arms, bringing one hand up to cup her cheek. “Why are you crying?” ...

Konbanwa, Audra-chan. Itachi glanced at him, smirking weakly. “And I thought ‘she stayed in the way?’” How 'bout was in the way? “That’s the last time…I will underestimate…one possesse

Konbanwa, Audra-chan. same old, same old: “We have just received a message from an ANBU squad who had been tracking the Akatsuki” – Ayumi caught her breath – “They are ...

Konbanwa, Audra-chan. You probably get how I crit things now ^_^: “I am the strongest on this squad, and the captain. It’s only smart to annihilate me first.” You might ...

Moving on: As if they were obedient dogs, the water dragons dove at Ayumi. “Water Dragon Strike!” So Emi..a water ninja? I'm sorta confused at the village Emi comes from. ...

Konnichiwa, Audra-chan. Commenting as I go again: Ayumi followed him up the levels, out the door, and down the hall. Ayumi counted the doors they passed until finally he led ...

Konbanwa Audra-chan. I shall start the night be critting Part 1 of your Chapter 5! As I go: Ayumi nodded. “I am a Sannin.” This doesn't quite make sense. The ...

Konbanwa, Audra-chan. Critting again, but these are getting WAY better as I go along! “If you’re so sure we’ve done anything, then you need a newsflash!” I confusing sentance. It ...

Konbanwa, again, Audra-chan. Critting as I go: Ayumi wondered if the blonde was in secret a woman or not. Haha, lol. lmao. I seriously burst out laugh when I read ...

Konbanwa, Audra-chan. I am here for your next crit. :wink: Again, I'm critting as I go along: “I’ve told you five times! I have a special ability called ‘Flames of ...

Before I start my new and improved crit, I have to say one thing. Sumi-chan>You never know, Audra-chan could reveal later that Haku wasn't really her brother or something of ...

Whoa, geez, that was the longest crit I've done. :wink: Then again, I can crit better on things that I can relate to. ~~T~~ :D

Okay, in the ten minutes between this post and my last, I remembered something, Audra-chan! Handsigns! You need to include them more and maybe do a little research on them. ...

Konnichiwa, Audra-chan. I am going to read your story over again and crit as I go along. I have one question, though, now you have two posts titled "Ayumi-Chapter 1"and ...

The first thing I noticed is that you need to separate better between paragraph. You also need to put thoughts in italics. You have a a few spelling and grammar ...