PsyLynx

6-10-05 He bent his dance to a happy dream dance with stars o’rhead in a calm, autumn-cool crisp burning woodsmoke noise pollutioned way, with a thousand comrades singing singing singing ...

okay, read. I think you should add a character right there; I still don't have much of a clue who the narrator is or why he/she's damned to I want ...

I haven't actually read it (at least not yet) but the title you have is absolutely awesome; I hope you don't change it.

please, please, please teach me to write. Please, please, please please please. DragonTheFifth (AIM), 23592752 (ICQ), (MSN, e-mail addy) please contact me, please teach me.

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I definitely think that it would be good with a very brief introduction, just so that the audience doesn't have to guess as to what you're talking about, because I ...

I read the entire thing aloud, and I was completely lost. What did it have to do with homosexuals? Why was that brought up? Why was everything because there have ...

stunning...wise...wonderful. the twist at the end, bringing in those who've died and are in some form of heaven, is unusual, though...somehow making it a slightly bright picture...maybe it's just my ...

I really like it, and can't find anything for you to improve. Good job. But for being triple x rated, there wasn't as much sex and violence and dogs as ...

I really think that you were looking at this wrong. It's an empty stage, that's it, and I was sitting by one and listening to it, and that was all ...

5-1-05 I love the silence of an empty stage after the plays are done, while people sleep; I consume the silence of this heavy serenity, of it all being done ...

for this kind of poem, this was very good. These sort of old-style tale-poems of wisdom, the sort of stuff that I'll find in my Brit Lit text book. Not ...

uber uber excellent

I do agree with Liz, loved the poem, can work on cliches. The only other thing was the ending...hmmm...I like what you said, just now how you said it. felt ...

do you think that the ending lays the rhythm on too thick?