Pickle810

I thought this prologue looks like it'll shape up to be a great story! Can't wait for the next installments. One thing, (not bad) I noticed is that it appears ...

I like this new start! Only one immensly tiny issue: I think the shoes should be squishing in the mud, not feet squishing in the shoes. Other than that, it's ...

Ok, because everyone else seems to have cleared up grammar mistakes and all that, i'd like to say: the first sentence doesn't catch me. While the rest of the story ...

Great new story- can't wait to find out what comes next. There were some things, like this: “But, Marina, Shell’s treating us all to MackerelDonalds.” “Well, I’m not allowed to ...

I love Emily. She sounds really funny. Ok, now there are a couple simple things you might wanna change, just to make it run smoother. I think that Emily's introduction ...

Interesting poem. I like the perspective, although I'm sad to say my Daddy would too. (anti-relationship before 35 much?), but your poem's just really good. Although you do seem to ...

Great job! I loved your poem, although i think the re-write is much better. I notice you've been on for a while, but you haven't written anything new, and you ...

That was pretty good. It seemed sort of like a bizzare African retelling of the Three Little Pigs, but with monkeys and tigers instead. It also sort of seemed like ...

I loved the hacking wizard idea. And there are totally hackers at 11. at my schoool, this sixth grader hacked into our whole online database and screwed everything up, and ...

There was something about the first part "eating as modestly as he could" that sort of bugged me, even though the whole piece was really superb. You've got a lot ...

Please please please post the next chapter! The only real thing I didn't like about this one was how Attaraya spoke at the beginning. "Chill" was one example. Because this ...

You could have the council people decide the nedra was all Emma's fault and send her to Naroth to face some kind of higher dealing with power, perhaps? or not. ...

Loved it. Somehow the slightly cynical and sarcastic tone reminds me of a good friend of mine, which makes me feel as though I'm really seeing the story from Emma's ...

Did you base this partly on the book "City of Ember"? The plot seems similar.

Overall, really good. I've only got a second, so I'm just going to tell you what I don't like. The dialogue. It seems fake, presumptious (hope I didn't over-mangle that!), ...