Pickle810

I agree, yes- it could use work. But then, what can't? Overall, I loved the story. Some roles were a little worn, and stereotypical, and the father was a flat ...

First- Welcome! Hope you like it here! And...*sound of off key downward scale* now we get to the awkward part. Umm... how shall I say it? Oh well, sorry if ...

This was pretty amazing. Of course, I think it was fairly sick, the way you described the baby's death and mutilation. But then, I guess everybody thinks of those kinds ...

I've edited it, and further critiques are not only welcome, they're begged for. To answer some questions: spirits means alchohol. It's just a fancy way of saying it. Also, the ...

I don't have much time, so I'm just going to let my fingers do the work right now. Opening sentence? Nah- we need something dramatic! Like "Somehow, even in deep ...

I apologise in advance for how long this is. This book captured me within the first two pages, and kept me engaged all the way to the end. It took ...

Wheee! Somebody else who watches X-Play! Finally! Ha- now I can tell my friends that I am NOT the sole viewer! Okay, just one thing I found- the dialogue, especially ...

Oooh, I liked the story. The way you spelled Eboney's name sort of annoyed me, I think it doesn't need the second "e" (the tree is spelled 'ebony') but it's ...

Thanks for the critiques guys! I'll edit it ASAp (I'm using the free computer in the hotel lobby right now), and I promise I'll take it all into consideration! A ...

A ustomer. The man is rough, strong, his fingernails are filthy, his eyes are like chrome. The seller smiles his smooth smile, the slick words concealing sorrow. Some bargaining, some ...

Hi! Okay, friends over right now, and they're using spare comp. to type some semblence of a critique, which I'll PM to you. Bye!

Good story. Next time, though, please give me a copy before you enter it in the school paper! POV changes make it look like you wrote it one way and ...

Hmmm... it's sort of unlike most fantasy prolugues. Try to revise some sentence structure, adding more compound, complex, and long sentenctes to create the proluge mood. Also, the first bit ...

I thought this was one truly powerful piece of writing. Not what I expected at all, in a good way! But I think it'd be good to change fairytale to ...

Well, it seems everyone has critiqued the heck outta this, but I still must put my say in. I like the dialogue, the characters, and all such elements, including the ...