Perra

Very nice! I likes it! Although, the submission page should have rules or a link the the rules about critiquing before adding on it. I can see new members going ...

Here's mine:

This is a good start. There are some mistakes and issues with structure and getting us to connect to the characters sooner, but I'm sure you can hammer them out. ...

Cecilia. It means blind. ^-^ But, if it has to be one of those names, Amelia or Anna sound good to me. Yeah, Amelia is English-sounding. I'm doing NaNoWriMo for ...

Toad ((from Avada Kedavra to puppies....that's disconcerting....))

Well the creatures are marching out of the gates. They could slip in while the gates are open. They could also disguise themselves and slip in. Or, they could get ...

Hmm, I'm not sure when I actually started writing. Maybe when I was twelve or thirteen, because I read Harry Potter when I was twelve and a month later I ...

Avada Kedavra!

This is amazing , Nate! And after only two episodes! Awesomeness! 8D

I'm glad I could help! ^-^ And, yes, you did make sense! I noticed the showing rather than telling, as well. But, because it's in first person, I figure a ...

I'm not sure exactly how to help you. I think one way to show that the character hates would be to show them expressing this hatred. Find the reasons for ...

I love researching, too! ^-^ Most of my research is done through buying wonderful history books and google/wiki searches. I also used the satellite images on google maps to find ...

Nate spamed the site I had been on, YFW, and it died. I migrated over here, partly at the instance of other members I'd know from YFW: Crysi, EBM, Tara, ...

This is pretty good. Some intriguing info is given that makes you wonder what's going to happen, because it seems like a bit of this info will be important to ...

Congratulations all! ^-^ I'm sure you deserve it! :smt003