Periwinkle

I've tried editing the last line; is it any better? I think you should really expand it. Show her cynical, bitter outlook on the fact that this fantasy of hers ...

Hello, my name is Elmore and I am not a pedophile.

Opps. I didn't realized yes that's the only thing I've noticed was the first thing. Sorry. :oops: Oh, and good luck on your 100-short story challenge!

Hello. Hmm...I wonder why no one hasn't critiqued this?: smt064 I only noticed two things actually. He would place a kiss on my forehead, then creep back out, putting his ...

Hello! :D Don't spear me, please...but I like the old one better. *hides* Okay, this is still a great piece because you are a great writer but I have some ...

I could really use an opinion on "The Monster":

Yes it is reminds me of... affirmative

This was pretty fun to took three days but I'm semi-satisfied. Just a five-year-old girl who imagines a monster under her bed and becomes slightly obsessed Not a single sheep ...

Black umbrellas caressed the air as Daniel was lowered into the ground. The rain that hadn't fallen in weeks, poured down heavily. It was as if God felt my pain. ...

Lily of my heart Part 1: Secret Admirers I stare at him through the corner of my eye. Even though Science is the lamest class in school, he's listening intently ...

I liked this. Short, sweet, and it had a strong point. I didn't like the end so much. It just didn't seem to fit as nicely as the rest, but ...

I have another question...sometimes when I try to come on says "Database Error" or something and then it won't let me on. What's up with this?

Hello, there...I'm here to crit! You should break up the first paragraph a bit so it doesn't look like a block of words. I'll point out a few things you ...

I wasn't too sure either. So I googled the definition. said whilst is a more archaic form of while. I didn't think that was enough so I looked up while ...

Bump, bump, bump! Haha..I'm reviving old boards, but I want to crit so here you go. Your writing style has changed so much but I guess age does that. :D ...