PerforatedxHearts

Some sentences are run-on, and you just stuck a comma in between. Example Chase reached for the knife, he took it up in his hand, the cool leather felt reassuring ...

It's pretty interesting. Again, someone already covered what I wanted to say. >.< Someone like Camille.

Everybody pretty much covered what I wanted to say. It's okay, but sort of vague, I think. --Seree.

Um, I'm pretty sure this belongs in one of the poetry sections. Possibly lyric poetry? However, the title is captivating, however incorrectly it's categorized.

I don't know if this should be in the nonfiction section...O.o

Ditto Saint, pretty much. And it was interesting how at the end you bolded the last sentence. It stuck out a lot, but I don't think it had the impact ...

I liked this, and I think everyone just ran through what I wanted to say. And I do love the title. :] --Serena.

I think it's sort of cliche. You've got a lot of grammatical errors in this, too. But if you made it a bit longer, and elaborated more, and also employed ...

I wasn't trying to tell you how to write it. I was suggesting a way to improve it. I'm not a dictator when it comes to any writing. And note ...

You mean, as a narrator or something? Like the unseen voice?

Lovethislovethislovethis. I remember the first time reading it, I had to go run and hide under my pillow. Not really, but you get the idea. What I love is the ...

Eh...This is okay. You've got some things you'll need to change, though. #1: Grammatical errors. Run this through word, or get a copy editor. #2: The beginning is extremely cliche. ...

Yeah, couple of grammatical errors. You also need to work on the emotions portrayed throughout the story. Try to make the reader cry. Here's how: First, get into the mood, ...

Interessttingg... There's only one thing that bothers me, or for now. >.~ “Rasem!” Her voice was full of raw emotion, and for a second Rasem’s face seemed sad, wan. Then ...

Do some things. Then I'll review. #1: Space all the paragraphs out. Rawr. Do you want your reader to get a headache? #2: Run this through Word. Countless grammar mistakes, ...